


the feeling still deep down

by orphan_account



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Fluff, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-01
Updated: 2018-05-01
Packaged: 2019-04-30 14:16:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14498820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Donghyuck does his best to only look at Mark when he can’t look back.i.e. they're both idiots but Drunk!Mark is the best kind of idiot.





	the feeling still deep down

**Author's Note:**

> Haha this fic was written with 3 hours of sleep after I was overwhelmed with love for both of these idiots! Please have compassion for any mistakes, this fic is completely unbeta’d.

 

Donghyuck does his best to only look at Mark when he can’t look back.

Jeno had asked him when it had changed for them. Well at least. When it had for him. Donghyuck couldn’t answer it truthfully; the answer that it might’ve always been there for him felt like a lie in his mouth, uncomfortable and heavy on the tongue. When he was fourteen, had he known? It seemed only natural to tease Minhyung ( _ “Ah, I like Mark actually,” _ he says, feet shifting uncomfortably,  _ “At least the company does.” _ ), it was so easy too. The Canadian politeness, mixed with the Korean deference. He mumbled, used the wrong words, and generally looked like he would shrivel up if you touched him in the right place. Donghyuck had given him his best, most charming grin when they were introduced and Mark’s eyes had widened, his gaze then dropping to the floor.  _ Cute.  _ So of course when Donghyuck had tried to drop the honorifics in the second week of knowing him; the second week of over familiar teasing, the whispered jokes aside at training to make him giggle, and of slowly making him crave that attention Donghyuck was so preferential in providing, Mark-

“Did you stop using ‘hyung’ with me?” He had frowned, mouth twisted prettily to the side.

“Yeah aren’t we friends?  _ Dude _ ?” Mark had used it that earlier week, talking about the instructor. It had cracked Donghyuck up and he kept using it, only for Mark. It rolled off the tongue.

Mark turned around then, eyebrows knitted together. “I’m still your hyung.  _ Dude _ .” And he left the practice room. 

_ Right, _ Donghyuck thought.  _ Mark Lee isn’t as easy as he looks _ . And maybe it changed then, just a little. 

Donghyuck kept dropping the honorifics when he could. Mark would get angry after the second or third time and would walk off from practice, irritated. Donghyuck would have the honey butter chips ready for practice the next day and Mark would sit down and bring out some of the lyrics he was working on and they would carry on in silence, shifting closer together, slowly and slowly, till practice started. And Donghyuck would ruffle his hair as he got up and call him cute, because he was  _ so _ cute, and because Mark hated being called cute. He never got really angry at anybody else. Or at least, never came back to sit with them the next day. Donghyuck took it as his own singular little power. Maybe it was then?

Donghyuck might’ve ignored it if it was just that.  _ Sure _ . Sometimes it felt like Mark had a smile, only for him. The first time Mark got drunk after the first 7th Sense stage, he’d called Donghyuck, silly drunk. ( _ Dude, you’re gonna be next? Can you believe it? You’re gonna be up on stage with me?  _ He was giggling over the speaker, slurring his words badly, and Donghyuck felt his lips pull into a grin, even though he’d just fallen asleep when Mark had called. He’d whispered,  _ Hyuck-ah _ ,  _ I can’t wait  _ and Donghyuck tired not to shiver, curled up in his bed. He'd still call him, every time he got drunk). Sometimes, when they were exhausted, he’d rest his hand on Donghyuck’s thigh while they were debriefing in the hyung’s room or he would collapse into Donghyuck’s side after training, panting. When the air was quieter, the light was softer; sometimes it would only feel like it was just the two of them. If Donghyuck looked into Mark’s eyes in those moments, the he could feel the heaviness sink deeper into his chest. So he tried not to look.

Donghyuck really just wondered if anyone had asked Mark. When had it started for him?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mark seriously wanted to ask whether if it had occurred to the hyungs to  _ ever shut their fucking mouths _ .

(' _ C’mon, Mark'.  _ Jaehyun had drawled, last night, snickering. Even Doyoung hadn’t stopped a hoarse little laugh coming out of his mouth, head tipped back from the alcohol, on the path to drifting off. He usually kept himself neutral in the ongoing debate, declaring himself Switzerland. Even Taeyong had smiled, and he always said he felt uncomfortable with the jokes. At least Johnny wasn’t here in Ukraine, otherwise they would have egged each other on more. ' _ C’mon, tell me. You gonna make your booty call today?' _

Mark couldn’t tell if he was blushing or not, whether it would come up against the flush from the beer. He’d hoped not, but he realised just two seconds later that his hands had come up to his cheeks to check either way. Jaehyun had cracked up from that, crying with laughter, and Jungwoo and Taeyong had both been smirking. Doyoung had finally dozed off. Lucas had fallen asleep earlier, thank god. He didn’t need to hear that. Not that Mark was ever gonna dignify Jaehyun with a response.)

Mark looked through his call history, distinctly queasy. Five missed calls to Donghyuck around 2:30 am. He wasn’t sure if he was only feeling sick from the hangover. 

Doyoung came into the hotel room, ruffling his hair after the shower, eyes pausing on Mark. He could probably sense the distress. “You okay?” His voice, was soft, neutral.  _ Okay _ , so he probably knew. Or guessed. It was a running gag now, after all.

It was awkward because out all the hyungs, Doyoung really did try to keep neutral, non-judgemental. Well, at least, he didn’t laugh at Mark or at Donghyuck. And he cared. Mark still found it hard to speak.

He tried for a joking tone. “Tried to, uh, booty call Donghyuck 3 times last night,” he said, with a weak chuckle. No luck, it still felt weird. “It’s nothing.” His phone felt heavy in his hands.

Doyoung was fairly predictable when it came to these discussions about Donghyuck. A few mmm’s and ah’s, but mostly he would just listen. Maybe an ‘I see’. (When Mark had asked why he wouldn’t forcefully direct him to do what he thought was best, as Doyoung always did whenever anyone asked him for advice, he’d laughed and then grown quiet.  _ Your relationship is too important for me to meddle in _ , he’d said with a small smile). So Mark never expected the question that followed.

“Why are you so worried about it?” Doyoung asked carefully.

Mark felt a little bewildered. “I’m not. Why would I be? This isn’t weird.” He has to stop himself from looking down at the missed call history again. “We’re best friends”. The last sentence feels clumsy to him. Like when you repeat words and they start losing meaning.

“Mark.” Doyoung sighed deeply. “I’m gonna say this and I want you just relax when I say it.” He paused. “You act weird, when it comes to Donghyuck.”

Mark’s mouth went dry. “What do you mean by that.”

“Why are you so scared of him?” Doyoung asked, like it was nothing.

Mark felt his face tighten. He couldn’t even be bothered to pretend he was comfortable with the question. “I’m not scared of Donghyuck? He messes around too much but…” Mark trails off trying to find the words to best explain it. “We’re best friends.” It feels inadequate somehow.

‘But you look scared. So what are you scared of?”

“I’m not scared of him? I’m not scared at all. Look, sometimes, all I want to do is just-’ _stop him?_ _Take him by the shoulder and-_

“-Kiss him?” Doyoung finished for him, soft smile on his face. 

Mark’s jaw went slack. His phone fell out of his hands, dull thunk as it hits the floor.

“I know I said I wouldn’t meddle, kid.” Doyoung said as he got up from his seat on the bed, and he ruffled Mark’s hair on his way to the door. “It’s just gone on for too damn long.”

 

 

 

 

Mark doesn’t do anything straight away. It took him, what, three or four years to realise he was in love with his best friend so it’s shouldn’t really be surprising to Doyoung that he sits on that realisation for a month or two. Which is probably why Doyoung doesn’t say anything.

And Mark is scared. Because being in love with your best friend, who happens to be Donghyuck, happens to also be a scary thing. And also, because Donghyuck won’t look at him.

With his newfound realisation comes with the increasing need to keep looking at Donghyuck. Not that that was different from earlier, if Mark was being honest with himself, which was difficult to admit. But he had always had a tendency to look at Donghyuck whenever his eyes drifted. And so, maybe he had always felt awkward about it, but he knew why now. All he noticed now, though, was Donghyuck looking away. 

So he was fairly predictable, and he goes out for drinks again. It was 2am and he was feeling lightheaded and tingly. Donghyuck picks up on the first ring, unsurprisingly. Dream had practices that Mark had been exempt from, with Boss promotions going on. And Donghyuck has a tendency of staying late after practice to work on his own. 

“Hey, are you still practicing?” Mark can’t help a giggle pop out. He can feel Donghyuck smile over the phone. 

“Yes. Why?” Donghyuck’s tone is amused, warm. 

Mark starts smiling too. “I wanna talk to you. Stay there, I’m five minutes away.”

“You couldn’t leave it till we both get home?” Donghyuck laughs.

“Nope!” Mark tries not to sound too cheerful.

“Sorry, can’t make any promises!” Donghyuck sing-songs into his phone before he hangs up. Mark laughs anyway.

 

 

 

 

Donghyuck is draped over one of the benches, with his hand over his eyes, when Mark arrives. Knowing him, he probably did it for dramatic effect and fell asleep anyway, so Mark shakes him to wake him up as he settles himself on the floor next to Donghyuck’s head. Donghyuck yells, jumping, and Mark goes into a giggling fit.

“What the  _ fuck  _ was that for?” Donghyuck grumbles, looking pissed.

Mark’s too happy to care, and he laughs in Donghyuck’s face. “I thought you were sleeping.”

Donghyuck’s actually finally looking at him, not vaguely staring away. His eyes are searching over Mark’s face and although Mark closes his eyes (god, they feel heavy), he can still feel his gaze, like butterflies skimming past. Mark opens his eyes in time to see him trying not to smile, his mouth pressing down, eyes are soft. He must be tired too.

“I don’t think I’ve actually seen you drunk before. Heard you, sure. Never seen, though.” Donghyuck voice is soft, huskier than usual.  _ His voice is so pretty when he’s tired,  _ Mark thinks. He’s lost so much weight though, and Mark’s hands itch to cup his hollowing cheeks, run his thumbs over the dark circles around his eyes.

Donghyuck sighs at Mark’s non-response, and he reaches out to push some of Mark’s hair back into place. Mark tries not to lean into the touch somehow. Donghyuck was always so good at that, those casual touches, and he looked so unaffected. Mark always felt affected, his pulse quickening, like always. Donghyuck still hadn’t looked away. He seemed comfortable enough to stare today, like he used to. Like Mark also likes too.

Donghyuck starts smiling. “What did you have to say so urgently, Mark?” He has laughter in his eyes. Mark can’t help smiling too. He also can’t stop looking at Donghyuck’s smiling lips.  _ Pretty _ .

“Can I kiss you?” Mark blurts out.

Donghyuck goes absolutely still. “What did you just say?” He whispers, possibly in shock.

Mark leans in and whispers too. “I want to kiss you.”

Donghyuck looks scared of Mark, for the first time in his life. Mark tries not to cackle. “Is this a joke?”

“I thought I wasn’t particularly funny.” Mark can’t help the grin that comes across his face.

“Is this because you’re drunk?” Donghyuck’s voice wavers. 

“You know why I was never around you when I was drunk? Because I think drunk me knew. Or at least had an idea.” Mark’s just full blown staring at Donghyuck’s lips now. He hopes he gets the hint.

“So drunk you is smart you, then.” Maybe Donghyuck is picking up the idea. There’s a smile playing around his mouth and he’s leaning in.

They’re only millimetres apart now and Donghyuck is grinning madly too. Mark pauses to stage whisper, though. “So… can I kiss you?”

Donghyuck’s only response is a pained groan and he finally closes the gap. 

All Mark can think is:  _ His lips are really as soft as they look  _ and  _ why does his face feel so perfect in my hands? _ And then Donghyuck moves his head and his mouth opens a little bit and Mark tries not lose his mind completely. 

Mark pushes him back, and tries not to whine. Donghyuck fails at it, however.

‘Hold up,” Mark chokes out. “I need to know something.” Donghyuck’s eyes are glazed and Mark’s not sure if he’s following what he’s saying or just his lips, but he has to confirm.

“Do you like me? Because I like you.” 

Donghyuck pauses and his eyes lose their glazed look, and narrow. His hands reach out to Mark’s shoulders and pushes him down flat on the ground. Mark can’t stop grinning.

“Drunk you talks way too fucking much,” Donghyuck bites out, grinning, before leaning down to start making out with Mark all over again.

 

 

 

 

 

Later.

“So when did it change for you?”

**Author's Note:**

> :D  
> Hope it was okay to read! I know the way I wrote them internally was a little different but it kind of reflects how I think they are in their heads (+their moon signs haha).  
> Can’t believe out of my 5 wips, it would be a Markhyuck fic that I finally uploaded first. That I worked on for like. 2 hours. Lol. 
> 
> And yeah the title is from Ivy by my boy Frank. twt user wordjoah, thank you for my life (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xXEmb5vuUOI&feature=youtu.be).


End file.
